


My Captain

by oh_kathryn_my_captain



Series: My Captain [1]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-24
Updated: 2014-11-30
Packaged: 2018-02-26 21:40:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2667302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oh_kathryn_my_captain/pseuds/oh_kathryn_my_captain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of the starship Voyager and the fate of her command team is well known throughout the galaxy, but there is one important side to it that has never been told...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. My Job

I have a job. A very important one at that. In fact, I'm beginning to think this is the whole purpose for my existence. 

We are all trapped together far away from anything familiar. I can't help but feel it is all my fault. I'm responsible for these 150 people and I should've done more to stop this from happening. Oh well. What's done is done. All I can do now is make sure I do everything in my power to get them home.

And by god, we  _are_  going to get home. At least if I can help it.

But I have another job. An important one at that. We are a family, as I've been reminded countless times. I'll do everything I can to make sure this family is complete and stays that way. So far, all seems well. With every day we spend together, we get closer and closer. From enemies to acquaintances, from acquaintances to friends, from friends to family, and for some, their relationships push a bit further. But there are two people who I brought together here in the Delta Quadrant that refuse to acknowledge my many, many attempts to get them to notice the looks they give each other.

And so begins my mission to bring my captain and first officer's feelings for each other into the light. It is most certainly going to be a challenge. I am but a mere starship after all. 

She feels responsible for me, always saying how she needs to get Voyager home, but I hardly know home. I've been in the Delta Quadrant much longer than I ever was in the Alpha Quadrant. Though I do so love it when she says my name with such devotion. I don't think she'll ever understand how hard I've fought to protect and defend all she loved because she thinks she's the one protecting me. I don't mind it at all but it makes my job much harder than it needs to be. If she never gives a second thought to herself, someone has to. I would do anything for my captain if it meant she was better off and that is why I  _had_ to help her realize her love for Chakotay.

I am here to tell you the tales of my very epic yet triumphant battle with wretched Starfleet protocol and my captain's personal demons, the joys and sorrows of my family, the hope and despair of being 70,000 light-years from home and the story of my very important job.


	2. A Realization

"Well, you're nothing but a glorified toaster, that's what you are," my captain said as she aggressively slammed down the tool she was working with.

 _It's not my fault that someone keeps ignoring the red light on the replicator console,_ I said.

She sighed. "I know. I'm loosing it aren't I? I mean look at me, I'm talking to my replicator!"

She walked over and sat on her couch, purposefully averting her eyes from the dinner table she and Chakotay sat at every Tuesday. Kathryn was obviously distracted. She had been like this, sinking deeper into some sort of deep internal argument for quite some time. It wasn't healthy whatever she was going through.

For the next few minutes before her duty shift, Kathryn simply looked out into the stars muttering things I couldn't make out.

"The time is now 0600 hours," the computer interrupted her thoughts.

I caught something she uttered as she strutted out into the corridor.

"If only he hadn't shown up on my goddamned bridge..."

That was when I understood. All of the adoring glances, flirting, dinners, the holodeck adventures, the long talks on the couch, it all made sense. I want to protect all that she loved and cared about, so it seems my job got easier because all she cared about was Chakotay.

* * *

She did her best to keep her distance from Chakotay. Somewhere along the lines, her attraction to him had turned into a fierce desire, something she couldn't control. So she managed to enter the bridge just after he got off and make excuses for not attending dinner. That is, until today when he stood waiting for her to exit the turbo lift.

"There you are. I was wondering if we could have dinner tonight since we haven't eaten together, much less seen each other, in weeks."

"Well, Commander, I've been rather busy lately and my replicator is being a pain in the ass again so I'm afraid I'll have to ask for a rain check," she said avoiding his eyes. He studied her skeptically.

"Why don't you come to my quarters then. And maybe you could tell me what's bothering you."

Kathryn opened her mouth to argue but before she could say anything Chakotay gave her the time he would be ready for her and she nodded. She couldn't get out of it this time which finally gave me a chance to plot my first matchmaking scheme.

* * *

 

"Hello, Kathryn."

She forced a smile. "Good evening, Commander."

He sighed. "I see it's worse than I thought. Care to have a seat?"

The table was set as usual; fine china and a low light setting so the candles and stars seemed brighter. Chakotay pulled the chair out for her then sat down in his own seat.

"Are we going to just sit here and eat quietly or are you going to be honest with me?" he asked without any hint of anger or impatience.

"For once, Chakotay, I don't think it's something you can help me with."

She found herself breaking her own rule and admiring his beautiful tanned face. Desire flooded her mind but she couldn't look away.

"You can't be sure of that," he said lowering his voice and leaning closer to her.

Kathryn held her hand over her eyes and forced herself to look away. She jumped a little when she felt Chakotay's hand take hers. He was now kneeled next to her chair so she couldn't avoid him. "Alright. I won't ask again. Just remember that I'll always be here when you're ready."

Kathryn winced slightly at the double meaning behind the statement.

"Come to think of it, I'm not that hungry after all," she said.

"Can I get you some wine?"

"I'd actually prefer coffee, thank you."

Chakotay came to the replicator and Kathryn took the chance to move to the couch. He came back and handed her a steaming mug while holding on to his own glass of wine. He sat uncomfortably close so she hid her face by taking a sip of coffee.

Something was off about it, I could tell from the grimace on her face. There was an aftertaste she couldn't place and the tang of it made her shiver.

He chuckled. "Too cold for you?"

Kathryn was about to respond but her words were lost when her eyes halted on his face. She began to feel herself drawn to him. Sure, she had felt those desires before but tonight, when she looked at his face outlined by the light of the stars, she began to lose control. There was no way she could stay in this low-lit room without tackling her first officer to the ground and having her way with him.

What the hell was she thinking? Kathryn was usually so good at easing her troubling thoughts. What was so different about tonight? She shifted uncomfortably as she became aware of the silence between them and the intense look he gave her.

"I'm sorry commander, I need to leave," she said standing up.

Chakotay silently cursed at another missed opportunity. He was usually so good at taking chances but he just couldn't when it came to Kathryn.

"Damned technology." He heard a voice interrupting his thoughts. "Here we can travel faster than the speed of light and yet doors refuse to open," Kathryn said staring at the unmoving wall in front of her.

"Chakotay to Torres, is there a power cut-off on this deck?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact there is. Strange, it's only affecting the door mechanics."

I giggled at that. My plan was working.

"I'll have it fixed in a few minutes. Torres out."

Kathryn winced at the thought of having to fight the affects of Chakotay's dimples for another few minutes.

"You might as well sit back down," he said.

However hard Kathryn tried, she couldn't stop herself from obeying his every command. It was only a matter of what he asked of her in that smooth, deep voice.

They sat extremely close, feeling each other's every breath stir the air. Neither would move unless the other did. Whatever happened had to be a mutual agreement. Kathryn reached her arm out and traced his jawline with the back of her hand. Which shouldn't be happening. None of this should be happening. Her body was overwhelming her mind to the point where she couldn't speak.

Chakotay took her hand into his and pressed his lips to it. "Kathryn..."

He didn't need to say any more. Too many wild thoughts were tugging at every part of Kathryn's body, thoughts she couldn't control. Her arm effortlessly swung around his neck and pulled him to meet her lips. After so long of pushing feelings to the back of their minds, the kiss quickly escalated, his tongue tangling with hers. Their hands were everywhere at once and it was only interrupted when B'Elanna informed them that the malfunction had been repaired.Kathryn realized what she had done then. In her mind she made the worst mistake imaginable.

She had fallen in love with her first officer.

* * *

 

 

"So it was just a drug in your coffee?" Chakotay asked as they walked down the corridor.

"That's what The Doctor said. We still don't know how it got in there."

"And what happened..."

"What happened was a result of that, yes."

"But there was nothing in my drink."

"It's best we don't think about it too much."

Chakotay walked away in the direction of the bridge as she stopped at her quarters.

"And commander, would Tuesday and Thursday dinner work for you?"

He smirked. "For you, Kathryn, always."

My mission was a success. Weekly dinners were nonexistent from then on. They could usually make time for multiple breakfasts as well. Kathryn entered her quarters and stopped a moment to touch a wall by the replicator.

"Thank you, my friend."


	3. All for Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My take on a season five episode.

* * *

"Good evening, Captain."

"Nice to see you, Chakotay. Is there something wrong?"

"You said you were free tonight right?"

"Oh! I'm so sorry, I forgot in all the excitement of the enhanced warp drive."

It was true. Somehow in months of research, testing, and simulations, my crew had developed a warp drive system that would get them home a lot faster. Today they had been celebrating practically the whole day in the mess hall. I was happy too. With my new efficiency levels, I could go full speed over longer periods of time. There was finally hope that we would get home.

"Would you like me to leave?"

"No, but I might need help to set the table?"

"Of course."

Kathryn replicated the meal and Chakotay got busy setting the table with orchids from the aeroponics bay and candles that were kept on a side table. Then, they sat down across from each other and arranged the flowers so each could clearly see the other.

"How long did B'Elanna predict we would be out here?" Kathryn said arranging herself in her seat.

"In just under three years, we should be home."

"Astrometrics has found a way to avoid conflicting territories?"

"Seven is working on a route and will continue making adjustments as needed."

They were silent for a bit as they began eating. The food was good, for once. Chakotay was thankful that Kathryn hadn't tried a new replicator recipe.

"Well, now that business is out of the way, how do you feel about getting home?" Kathryn said halfway through her meal.

"To be honest, I'm not sure I know where home is anymore. Spending almost five years on Voyager has certainly changed me. It's changed all of us," he looked up from his meal and directly at Kathryn when he said that.

"I think I know what you mean. We've grown used to being together and find comfort in each other's company. If something comes along and changes that...I don't think we'd be able to adapt. As a matter of fact, I can't even get used to the thought of being separated from the crew."

For a moment, Chakotay swore he heard her say "you," but thought better of it and convinced himself she said "the crew" instead.

"Of course, there is a comfort in knowing when we'll get there. It makes it a lot easier and it takes a weight off of my shoulders," she continued.

"The responsibility of 150 lives is lighter now," Chakotay added. They were silent again until they finished their meal.

"Chakotay, are you aware of what protocol states about fraternization among starfleet officers?"

He was slightly surprised by the question. "I...I don't remember being taught about it at the academy."

Kathryn gave a halfhearted smirk. "That's just it. There isn't a special code for loving someone. As captain we're taught to not allow abuse of power or any distraction to interfere with our work. That's it."

Chakotay kept silent, still not sure what she was getting at.

"Have you heard about the bets on when, not if, but when we become a couple?"

"I've heard rumors," he answered.

"It's ridiculous isn't it? At least that's what I first thought. I haven't been able to bring myself to stop that betting pool. Now I think I know why. It's because they're right. For some reason, against all the rules I've set for myself, against all good judgement and instinct, and despite how hard I've tried to deny it, I have fallen in love with you."

Chakotay could do nothing but stare in awe as she continued.

"You've been waiting for me, Chakotay, and I know that. I've known ever since that night on New Earth and I've had to ignore it for the sake of my sanity. What I'm trying to say, I think, is that there are no more unknowns. We _will_ be home in three years and with our new upgrades, all hostile territory will likely be avoided. With this in mind, I have made the decision to allow myself to acknowledge the feelings I have for you and finally be just Kathryn for once, if you'll have me."

I smiled with delight. With only three years left, there was finally room for more than a friendship between them. It's amazing what a few upgrades can do.

* * *

 

The warmth that emanated from the two bodies entwined on the bed seemed to spread throughout every corridor, every bulkhead. All they needed was to be in the presence of each other and that was enough. If there had been a sun, it would've shone its brightest that morning and I, certainly, was operating at peak efficiency.

"How do you feel?" the warm voice of my first officer broke the enchanted silence.

Janeway smiled to herself as though thinking of a happy memory before answering. "Like I'm home." She turned towards him as he place a soft kiss on her lips, which slowly moved down her neck.

"Chakotay," she began, causing him to pause his tender touch, "would it be all right if you just held me for a bit longer?"

He smiled against her skin before looking up to answer. "Of course."

His arm found its way around her waist as he drew her closer, obeying her wish. I turned my attention to different sections and people - as I did last night - to do some thinking and reflecting on my own. It almost seemed like a dream, the way they fit together so perfectly. I had almost convinced myself it would never happen and they would continue to deny their love. In a way, I suppose, this new arrangement didn't even feel... right. So much had happened in the past few weeks. The enhanced warp drive certainly changed a lot. Crew morale was at an all time high and I don't think I've ever seen such joy and celebration from these people.

Maybe that's why it didn't feel right. Maybe my command team was too caught up in the excitement to stop themselves. But they wouldn't allow that to happen. It's probably nothing, but I don't think I'm willing to take that chance.

* * *

 

"Good morning, Captain."

"It sure is, Commander."

It seemed every day their smiles grew wider as they greeted each other. My worries had begun to fade over the past month or so, replaced by happiness and a certain joy of seeing my crew, and a certain couple, so content.

"If you can spare a few minutes," Chakotay said, keeping up with her brisk pace down the hall, "I have something I'd like to talk to you about."

Kathryn raised an eyebrow and gave him a curious look. "Oh? Have a made a command decision you disagree with?"

"No. Actually I was hoping we could leave our rank at the door."

"I suppose we could do that. I've been getting in a lot of practice recently. Don't tell my first officer."

They laughed as Chakotay led them to his quarters.

"Care to sit down?" he asked, vaguely gesturing towards the couch. If he had asked that question a few months ago, she would've made sure they were sitting in two separate chairs facing each other a fair distance apart. Today, however, she took a seat close to the center of the couch, taking his hand to guide him as close to her as possible. Resting her head on her hand she faced him, watching intently as his mouth moved.

"I've been thinking a lot lately; about what's been happening between us." He paused, leaving time for Kathryn's heart to quicken. "We've been spending a lot of time together, and I enjoy that. I enjoy every moment I can be with you." She relaxed a little as he said this. "So I've been wondering if you would be comfortable sharing quarters with me."

Kathryn seemed to be just as shocked as me. She did nothing but stare in stunned silence as Chakotay continued.

"I know you are my commanding officer but I love you, Kathryn. I want to make a home with you and share everything I am with you. I know it's a risk, but we've come this far already and--"

His next words were muffled as Kathryn's lips found his. Ever so slowly, they pulled away.

"Is that a yes?"

She laughed. "You realize that either we'll have to come up with an ingenious cover story or tell the crew exactly what's been going on."

"Somehow, I don't think there will be any objections. Hell, we might even get a standing ovation."

"Then it's settled." Kathryn straightened up, pulling farther away from him. "Chakotay, it would please me greatly to share quarters with you."

A dimpled grin appeared on his face as he closed the distance she had just made. "Now that that's out of the way do you think you could spare a few more minutes?"

"What do you have in mind?"

He shrugged slightly. "A celebration?"

"In that case, I think I can stay a while."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll continue soon


End file.
